Unexpected Truths
by MagPie003
Summary: The sight of Nathan's worst fear leads him to the truth about his past, and, possibly his future. N/D friendship with eventual N/A romance. Spoilers for season 2. My own scatterbrained guesses at the opening of season 3 are included. I own nothing.
1. Chapter 1

The ghost of her soft fingers still lingered on his hand. He treasured the sensation. It reminded him that he hadn't lost everything when he'd sacrificed his chance to feel. The loss was still painfully apparent as he played with rose petals that should've felt just as soft as Audrey. Each petal Nathan pulled from the rose was a sensation that was gone again: The wind on his face, sliding in between crisp cotton sheets, a soothing hot shower, knowing the actual temperature of his coffee, or the comfort of an embrace. With each of these, however, came the joyful, wondering, face of Jackie as she thanked him for saving her. Nathan knew that, if he could do it again, he would make the same choice. What he'd seen before she'd been cured was enough to prove to him that her trouble was a thousand times worse than his. Even though there was no way for him to feel a chill, he shuddered as that awful vision triggered others that were just as terrible.

…_The cupboard was small, even for his tiny frame. Maybe, if Nathan was very lucky, he wouldn't be found. The sound of breaking glass and his mother's screams assault his tiny ears. He covers them and shuts his eyes tight, trying very hard not to cry. Tears only made HIM madder. Hiding did too, but, Nathan was too scared to do anything else… _

A glass was set down in front of him. Nathan's heightened sense of smell told him the dark liquid in front of him was a Jack and Coke. Looking up, he saw that the person delivering his drink was someone who'd known him long enough to know it was his preferred drink on a bad day.

"Um, I didn't order this."

"It's on the house." Duke explained, taking the chair Audrey had vacated only minutes before.

"Thanks," Nathan replied, taking a sip.

Generosity on Duke's part normally made him suspicious. However, after the day they'd had, and everything on his mind, he really could use a drink. Duke nodded and took a sip out of his own glass. It was filled with his own bad day preference: Whiskey straight. An easy, companionable silence fell between the two men. It surprised Nathan. He half expected Duke to ask him if he regretted not taking up his offer to introduce him to women who would love to help him "process." Or, to make some other, equally snarky, remark. As if he could hear his thoughts, Duke smiled reassuringly. The smile told the other man that all he was interested in was a quiet drink. Nathan surprised himself by appreciating the company. Even though nothing was being said, Duke's presence was a welcome distraction. It was helping him to keep the memories at bay. Memories that he had always considered too horrible to be real until recent days.

_Who knew the words "Daddy's home" could fill a child with such dread? _

"Hell of a day." Duke ventured after a few minutes, breaking into his thoughts.

"That's one way to put it." He agreed, looking up from the petals strewn across his side of the table.

"It's not everyday your see your worst fear walking around in broad daylight." Duke continued, "Say, what did you see?"

Nathan was suddenly very grateful for the alcohol in his drink as he took a final swallow to suppress another shudder. A vision of ice cold eyes and a snarling smile came unbidden to his mind. For a moment, the smell of blood erased the scent of the nearby roses.

"Just an old nightmare." Nathan finally answered, hoping they could leave it at that. Duke nodded as if he understood.

"I guess that's what we all saw." He agreed, knocking back the rest of his drink. Almost as if he sensed the topic was getting too heavy for Nathan, he smirked as he added, "Audrey told me that Audrey 2 saw a clown. Now, that is something I didn't expect. Or, for our Audrey to admit that she would've been just as frightened. The woman who stared down the ten plagues of Egypt is terrified by a rubber nose and a fluffy wig."

"This was a specific clown from a haunted house." Nathan pointed out. "It was supposed to be frightening; especially to a kid."

"That would explain why she smacked me for laughing when she told me." He mused.

"I'm sorry I missed that." Nathan teased dryly.

"Don't worry, I'm sure she'll come up with a reason to do it again soon." Duke assured him as he stretched and rose. "You know, I have a whole bottle of your buddy Jack there if you need something to keep the nightmares at bay."

"Thanks, but, I think I'm all set." Nathan replied.

"Let me know if you change your mind. I understand the need for a liquid teddy bear." Duke requested, gesturing to his empty glass. He have the table a light rap with his knuckles before walking away. "G'night, Nate."

"Night." Nathan said, grateful for the offer, and, the sentiment behind it. Duke was offering him what comfort he could give under the circumstances. However, there wasn't enough alcohol in the whole bar to wash away the images lurking in the back of his mind. He plucked up the un-shredded rose as he got up to leave. Maybe the scent would be enough of a distraction to chase away his dreams.


	2. Chapter 2

_Along with the screaming and pleading came the awful sound of something heavy thudding against bone and flesh. Inside the cupboard, he began to shake with terror. Nathan was all too familiar with the awful sounds, and painful sensations, of the monster's fists and belt. Whatever this was sounded much worse. There was one final scream, a very loud crack, then silence. For a moment, everything was quiet. Then, came an awful sound he heard very rarely. It was low, gravely, and devoid of any natural feeling._

_The monster was laughing. _

Nathan woke drenched in sweat, his throat straining with a silent scream, and his hands flying up in a defensive posture. It was several long minutes before he realized that there was nothing to protect himself against. He was in his own bed; not a tiny cupboard. This wasn't a room he'd always thought existed only in his mind. It was his house. He wasn't a small, helpless, child hiding from a monster in the shape of a man. He was a six foot tall man with a gun in his nightstand. What he'd just experienced was only a nightmare. Nothing more. That's was he kept telling himself as his pulse slowed and his breath became less ragged. It was just a nightmare, he mentally repeated as he stripped the sweat soaked sheets from the bed before heading to the bathroom for a long shower.

In spite of his repetitions, Nathan still felt very small and in desperate need of a hiding space after he had cleaned up. His bed offered no comfort, nor did the idea of food, or, a morning run. Grey dawn light was peaking through the clouds as he headed out the door. It was several hours until his shift started at the station, but, that was where he was headed. Once there, he could distract himself with the ever increasing stack of files on his desk until the inevitable phone call came about a trouble. It was also the place that held the answers to the questions that had begun to spin around in his mind. That is, if he truly wanted the answers. Nathan hadn't made that decision when he reached the station, so, he just went to his office and shut the door. The decision still hadn't been made when Audrey entered walked through the door a few hours later.

"Parker." He greeted, briefly looking up before refocusing on his paperwork.

"Morning, Nathan. You look like you've been here awhile." Audrey replied. He felt her eyes taking him in, but, couldn't bring himself to meet her gaze. There were too many questions in her eyes that he wasn't ready for.

"I wanted to get an early start on paperwork," he explained, still not looking up, "there's so much of it that it's almost impossible to get anything else done."

"Is that the only reason?" She asked, perching on the edge of his desk.

"Isn't that reason enough?" He deflected, looking up to offer her a wry smile. That was his mistake. Those perfect blue eyes seemed to reach right into his mouth and pull out the truth. "I had a rough night. Couldn't really sleep."

"I can imagine, given everything that's happened lately." Audrey observed gently. "Anything you want to talk about?"

"Nothing really to say." Nathan declined, looking away again. Even though his gaze was back on the desk, he knew that Audrey was quirking an eyebrow at him.

"Really? You're here on hardly any sleep, after yesterday, and there's nothing to say?" She pressed.

"Nope." Nathan said, wanting badly to leave it at that. However, he knew her well enough by now to know that wouldn't happen.

"In that case, I'm taking a page out of your book." Audrey decided. Before he could ask what she meant, she reached over and snatched the file out of his hand.

"Parker! What are you doing?"

"Go home, Nathan," she ordered, not unkindly, "you're no good to me like this."

"That page, huh?" He asked, remembering when he'd said those words to her.

"That page." She echoed as she reviewed his most recent notes with a frown.

"You know, when I said all that, I wasn't talking to my new boss." He pointed out, trying to sound stern. The attempt failed miserably when a yawn escaped after the word 'boss.'

"Well, then, Chief," Audrey began with pretend meekness, "I'd like to respectfully point out that you just lost your father, found out you were adopted, had an FBI agent accuse your partner of identity theft, regained and then lost your sense of touch, and saw your worst fear all in one week. Face it: If our situations were reversed, you'd have ordered me home the moment you laid eyes on me."

"When you put it that way…" He conceded with a sigh.

"You also spelled the word 'yield' three different ways in one report." She added with a smile as she waved the file in her hands.

"I did?" He asked, surprised. Normally, he was making fun of _her _spelling. Maybe there was some logic to what she was saying after all.

"Yeah, you did." Audrey confirmed. Setting down the file, she placed her hand gently over his just like the night before. "Please, Nathan?"

"Okay," he agreed, a touch of wonder in his voice as he stared at their hands.

"Give me a call if you want to talk." Audrey suggested, giving him a soft pat before hopping off the desk. "I'm going to go put a fresh pot of coffee on in the break room. I expect you to be gone by the time I get back."

"Yes, ma'am." He teased, still looking at his hand.

When Audrey returned later, Nathan had indeed left the station. She couldn't say whether she was relieved he took her advice, or, worried that he didn't put up more of a fight. A part of her had hoped that the push for him to leave would get him talking. Several options from her earlier list came to her mind when she considered what could be haunting her partner. However, they were too much alike for her to really think that would've happened. When their roles had been reversed only a week earlier, she had been grateful that he respected her enough to not push, but, also cared enough to make her take the time to figure things out. As she stared at the empty office, Audrey hoped he felt the same way.


	3. Chapter 3

As he pulled out of the parking lot, he unconsciously made a right instead of a left. Nathan wasn't planning on going home when he got into the Bronco, but, he also wasn't planning on going anywhere else. He replayed the night before and his morning as he tried to make sense of the images twisting in his mind. More memories came back to him to make the connections a little clearer. Last night wasn't the first time he had dreamed about hiding in a cupboard. The nightmare had been tormenting him from before his trouble manifested. Every few months as a child, he would wake up terrified that someone had just viciously assaulted his mother and was coming for him next. The dream would end with that horrible, gravely laughter and the steps coming closer to the cupboard. Nathan had never seen the monster because he was always, mercifully, woken up just in time by the Chief of all people. Even before his mother had died, he was the parent that rescued him from his nightmares. Somehow, the man always knew. The Chief would hold him close even after Nathan had lost the ability to feel it. Then, he would promise him that he was safe; that everything was okay now. Those awakenings were rare times of tenderness after his mother died and everything went wrong between them. Aside from his father's promises that he was safe, no words were ever spoken. Any attempt on Nathan's part to talk about the dreams were hushed with gentle, but, adamant assurances that none of it was real and discussing it would only upset him more. Eventually, he learned to stop trying and just take comfort in the sound of his father's heartbeat. It wasn't until very recently, when Nathan had discovered that they weren't just nightmares, that he fully understood why the Chief never wanted to discuss them.

Even though he was in control of the truck, his final destination took him by surprise. Of all the places he thought he'd end up, the Grey Gull's parking lot wasn't one of them. He surprised himself further by stepping out of the truck and heading over to the entrance. Lack of sleep was obviously affecting his judgment. The man he normally considered the last person he'd want to see was happily scribbling the daily specials onto the chalkboard at the restaurant's front door. He appeared confused by Nathan's presence, but, not entirely displeased.

"Nathan, good morning. What brings you here without your better half?" Duke asked. Nathan shrugged as he let the comment slide. Their regular digs had lost their old bite recently. What used to be barbed taunts had been reduced to almost friendly teasing. They had Audrey to thank for that. However, that would involve admitting they actually liked the way things were now.

"I was wondering if that offer was still on the table." Nathan explained, referring to the bottle of Jack Duke had mentioned the night before. It was the first reasonable explanation that came to mind. It also was partially true. While it may not be the healthiest way to handle things, a couple of shots may help him to fall asleep later.

"It is." Duke answered slowly, as if weighing the situation in front of him. "I put it aside just in case. Come in and have a coffee while I grab it from the back."

Nathan nodded and followed him inside, grabbing a stool at the bar. Duke served Nathan a mug of hot coffee, poured one for himself, then headed to the little storage room in the back. Before long Duke returned with the promised bottle. There was an odd mixture of scrutiny and compassion in his eyes as he handed it over. It was as if he was trying to decide something about the man in front of him.

"Any reason you changed your mind? "

"Wasn't as 'all set' as I thought." Nathan half answered with another shrug. His tone made it sound like he was talking about nothing more out of the ordinary than needing an umbrella for a rainy day. Duke nodded as he went back behind the bar to retrieve his own mug.

"I can relate." He commiserated and gave a brief smile as if his the decision was made. "You know, I'm glad you stopped by."

"Really? How come?" Nathan asked.

"Well, with fall coming in, it's been suggested we try out a pumpkin pancakes recipe." He explained. "I'm really not a fan of pumpkin, but, it might work. I could use a guinea pig if you haven't already had breakfast."

"Sure, I'll try them out." Nathan agreed with a smile as his stomach reminded him that it was past his normal breakfast time.

"Great! I'll be back in a few." Duke said as he walked over to the kitchen calling out, "Hey, Becky, I got you a test subject!"

Nathan chuckled at being referenced as a test subject. It felt strangely comforting to be in the Gull right then. Odd, but, right. He was beginning to like the place almost as much as Audrey did. While waiting, he observed that the place had drawn a nice little crowd of regulars and tourists for breakfast. He was pleased to see how well it was doing under Duke's ownership. It was nice to see him putting his talents towards something other than new ways to sneak cargo past the harbor master. That was probably another thing they had Audrey to thank for. Before he could think too long about it, Duke returned with the promised stack of pancakes.

"Here you are." He declared, setting the plate before Nathan with a little container of syrup.

"Thanks," Nathan replied. After he took a couple bites he added, "You can tell Becky that these are great."

"Gee, thanks. Now I have to tell her she was right." Duke grumbled good-naturedly.

"She probably knew that already." Nathan pointed out with his patented half smirk before going back to enjoying the food in front of him. Duke just muttered something into his mug about strange ways to show gratitude.

What Duke didn't know was that Nathan _was_ feeling a good deal of unexpected gratitude towards him just then. It was more than the fact that pancakes were his favorite food. The Chief would always make a point of making him pancakes the morning after a nightmare even if it was a weekday. Pancakes were normally saved for weekends when they didn't have to rush out the door. It was another silent gesture to reassure him that everything was all right.

Duke, of course, wouldn't know about any of that. Still, Nathan got the sense that he was offering the same kind of assurance. He understood exactly why Nathan had stopped by partly looking for the bottle of liquor and partly looking for something else because he needed the same thing. Duke's coffee selection gave it away. Unlike Nathan, he normally added milk and sugar before declaring it consumable. This morning, he was drinking it black. Nathan wondered if the change meant Duke needed an extra kick to combat an equally rough night. With the wondering came the unexpected desire to do something to help . However, Nathan had no clue how to do that. Neither of them were the 'talk it out' types. At least, not with each other. Aside from clearing off Duke's tickets, which was _not_ going to happen, there wasn't anything he could really do to return the favor.

"Audrey really needs to find a place other than the bed and breakfast." Duke observed.

"That she does." Nathan agreed, taken aback by the non-sequitur, but, deciding to go with it. "I've seen her picking through the classifies, but, she hasn't mentioned any place in particular."

"I put the space above here in those. There's plenty of room."

"Yeah, we noticed," Nathan said, "but, it's a bit out of her range."

"What if I reduced it? Think that she'd take it?" Duke suggested. "I'd rather rent to someone I know anyways. Less to worry about."

Nathan took a moment to consider the idea. Duke kept staring at his mug or the counter top instead of meeting his gaze. He seemed to expect Nathan to shoot the idea down at any minute. In the end, Duke was still nothing but a crook, right? However, Nathan wasn't going to do that. Audrey would have a good sized, familiar space in her price range. For another, it may do Duke some good to have her around. It could keep him closer to the straight and narrow. Finally, agreeing was something he _could_ do for the guy.

"I think that she'd take it." Nathan agreed in between bites of his pancakes. The smile on the other man's face told him that the favor was properly returned.

_Author's Note: I didn't think Nathan would openly talk about his recent discoveries just yet, but, wanted to show him getting some form of comfort before I added more about his past. More to come soon filled with N/A goodness and, hopefully, believable exposition. _


	4. Chapter 4

_The laughter had stopped. The voice, the one that froze his blood with fear, was silent. Nathan knew better than to move just yet. Mama was also silent. That didn't make sense. Shouldn't she have been crying from all the times she'd been hit? Or, calling to him that it was safe to come back out? Something was very wrong. He strained his ears to pick up on the slightest sound. There was one sound in particular that he was listening for and dreading at the same time. Then, it came: Heavy, deliberate steps were coming closer. Finally, after what seemed like ages, the footsteps stopped right outside his hiding place. He knew where Nathan was; he always knew. Any moment, the little door would be ripped open and he'd be dragged out. It was going to be bad. The worst part would be what he would say when Nathan cried out._

_"At least you can still feel it."_

"Nathan!" A voice cried, jarring him awake. He leapt up with a gasp. Still trapped in his dream, his hands flew up to shield his face from attack.

"No, Nathan, it's all right." The voice called again. It was familiar; a woman's. Hands that belonged to the voice reached up to pull his down. The sudden skin to skin contact snapped him to full wakefulness. Opening his eyes, he was met with the face of his partner. As the rest of his surroundings came into focus, he saw that he was on the couch in their office.

"Audrey? What's-What are you-"

"Hey, it's okay. You were just having a bad dream." Audrey soothed, keeping her hands in his. Nathan gripped them like they were a lifeline. "The antibiotics must've been making you sleepier than I thought. When I got back from grabbing our lunch, you were stretched out over here. I was going to let you sleep, but, you started twisting around. I was afraid you'd hurt yourself.:

"Right. Thank you." He sighed as the morning came back to him. The antibiotics he was taking for the puncture wounds from the nail gun _were_ making him tired. So was not sleeping much at night, but, that was a different story. He'd only intended to close his eyes for the few minutes it would've taken for her to go to the sandwich shop and back.

"Don't mention it." She replied, giving his hands a squeeze. "Now, let me check your back."

Nathan reluctantly let go of her hands as he sat up to let her look him over. A quick peek under the collar of his shirt assured her that the bandages were still in place. Then, she got up to retrieve the sandwiches she'd set on her desk when she came in and closed the office door.

"It was closed when I came in. No one saw you dozing." She assured him with a smile, sensing his unanswered question.

"I didn't think I'd drop off like that." Nathan explained apologetically.

"It's not surprising that you did. Although, you'd think that someone who has to ward off wound infections as often as you do would be used to the side affects by now." She teased, sitting down next to him and offering him one of the subs.

"Yeah, you'd think so." He agreed, not meeting her eyes.

"I mean, it's not like you're not getting enough sleep at night, or, anything." She went on with an easy shrug. His response was to stare at his sub as if it was the most interesting thing in the world. A little more seriously, she began again, "Come on, what's going on?"

"Parker, it was just a dream. I've already forgotten most of it." He lied, not wishing to make the scenes in his head any more real by talking about them.

"Nathan-"

"It's nothing. Please just drop it." He ordered, a little more sharply than he intended.

"Okay." She replied, a little hurt. With another shrug, Audrey got up and went to her desk. Although he wanted nothing more than for her to stay near, he let her go.

Lunch was spent in silence. Nathan felt like a jerk for pushing her away. However, didn't know how to apologize without opening the subject again. Glancing up from his PC he was relieved to see that Audrey had polished off her sandwich while working. Either his brush off hadn't upset her, or, she wasn't the type to avoid food when agitated. She offered him a small smile as she tossed the wrapper. He took that as a sign that things were fine between them. Still, he, made a mental note to pick up a few cupcakes on the way to work tomorrow morning.

"I could use an extra pair of eyes on this." Audrey said a little while later coming over to his desk.

"Sure, what's this on?" He asked, taking the file.

"An old case that may give us a few answers." Audrey explained vaguely as she sat on the other side.

"Answers on…oh." Nathan's question died on his lips as he opened the file. He was very familiar with the handwriting and the subject of the incident report in front of him.

"Answers on what you may have seen when you saw your worst fear." She answered softly. "And, why you've been having nightmares."

"It's-it's an old domestic violence report." He observed, trying to keep his voice steady and distance himself emotionally from the words on the paper in front of him. Right now, he wanted to shut the file and bolt. Why would she have looked for this? Why would she make him see it?

"Yes it is," she replied, "in which the two victims, a woman and her child, were assaulted with a bat. A neighbor called it into the station. Both victims were unconscious when the police came. The little boy was released from the hospital after a few days, but, the woman was in the hospital for at least two weeks."

"During which time the boy was cared for by her good childhood friend who just happened to be one of the officers responding to the call." Nathan continued for her, telling her what wasn't in the file. "The woman joined them once she was released. The suspect, her husband, couldn't be located even with a search."

"He didn't show up again until 1985 when he was arrested and convicted for the murder of a local family. They were married as soon as the divorce was finalized and the boy was officially adopted by the officer soon after." Audrey added.

"And the responding officer eventually became the Chief of Police." Nathan finished as he swallowed a lump in his throat. Although he didn't know it, a tear had already stained the paperwork in front of him.

"Given the head trauma that little boy sustained, and his age, it would be almost expected that he wouldn't recall anything about his early life." Audrey said gently as she came around to his side of the desk.

"Except for in nightmares." He agreed, closing the file as another drop stained the ink. "Ones that seemed too horrible to be real and were never discussed. Well, not until now."

Soft hands captured his face to bring his gaze up to hers. The gentle touch, and the kindness in her eyes undid him. His composure crumbled as he pulled her against him in a tight embrace. Audrey wrapped her arms around his shoulders and let him fall apart. The sobs muffled by her shirt weren't loud, but, they made his whole body shake. As much as it broke her heart to hear it, a part of her welcomed this release. Apart from the few initial tears she saw when they first lost the Chief, she doubt that Nathan had allowed himself to mourn. Nor had he allowed himself the time to process everything he'd discovered about his early past. At least she could comfort him as he gave into his grief. She held him close and ran a hand through his hair until he was quiet.

"Sorry," He murmured when they tears stopped.

"It's okay," she hushed, tightening her arms to keep him in place, "I'm happy to play human teddy bear whenever you need it. It's better than you resorting to the liquid variety at least."

"Have you been talking to Duke?" He questioned, shifting so that he could see her face again.

"He may have been little worried about you when he came by to tell me about the apartment." She admitted. "After all, you had two conversations in a row where no insults were exchanged and you didn't threaten him once."

"I am going to wallpaper that jeep of his with tickets. I don't care where it's parked." Nathan grumbled.

"I know, how dare he be concerned." Audrey laughed, giving the back of his head a pat before letting him go. He got up with a stretch, but, still stayed near.

"Was that when you pulled the paperwork?" He asked, glancing at the closed file.

"It was," she concurred. "When you refused to tell me what your fear was, and seemed so shaken up afterwards, I was worried. However, I didn't want to make things worse by confronting you if you weren't ready. When I saw you on the couch though, I knew I had to say something. I'm really sorry if I made it worse."

"You didn't," Nathan promised, dropping a kiss onto her head. "Thank you."

"Anytime." Audrey replied, smiling.

"I'm going to go wash up and then I'm calling it an early day." He said, walking towards the door.

"Sounds like a good idea. You need it."

"You're welcome to do the same." Nathan added, turning back. "It's not like you couldn't use the rest too."

"I could." She answered, still smiling, "I could also use some company as I finish setting up my new place. Whomever did come along could also help me test out my new griddle later on."

"Sounds like a _very_ good idea…"

_Author's Note: Thanks for all the positive reviews. There has been a certain reviewer, you know who you are, who has helpfully suggested a scene in which nightmares are chased away by Audrey's presence. Rest assurred something like that will come soon, but, maybe not in the way everyone thinks. ;-) More to follow this weekend._


	5. Chapter 5

"Thanks again for dinner," Nathan said as they stood at her doorway.

"You're welcome," Audrey replied smiling, "thanks for the extra paid of hands."

"It wasn't that big a deal." The shy little smile on his face told her just how big the afternoon had been for him. They had spent the time turning her new space into a home. A few well placed pillows and knickknacks, a new lamp, and a trip to the linen store had turned the place from an attic into something that was decidedly Audrey's. Then, Nathan gave her a crash course on pancake flipping. He honestly couldn't recall when he had passed time so pleasantly.

"It still needs a few more details. You know, a couple of lighthouse figurines, bowl of seashells, maybe a fish for the mantle..."

"Okay, I want people to consider you a local, but, let's not go crazy here," Nathan chuckled with a wider smile. Audrey took that smile to mean that her real mission for the afternoon had been accomplished. Her friend really was feeling better.

"Are you going to be okay," she asked, "I mean, you've been through a lot lately."

"Maybe, but, I'll be fine. I just need to give myself time." .

"Just promise me you'll come to me if you need anything." She took one of his hands and squeezed it to emphasize her point. He gripped it gently before letting go. The slight blush on his face made him appear much younger.

"I promise."

Anyone else would've been inside on a day like this instead of sitting on the beach. That is, anyone who could feel the cold. The wind had started to pick up, forming white caps on the nearby waves. Clouds heavy with rain were coming across the water towards town. It was dark for a late afternoon. A storm was coming. None of that mattered to Nathan. All he could focus on was the new pattern on his forearm. The symbol that had been in the periphery of all their work with the Troubles was now permanently inked onto his arm. No matter how long he stared, he couldn't will it away. It seemed more like a brand than a tattoo. He'd had no say in its appearance.

He unconsciously rubbed a hand over his face. His body was tired, but, he couldn't bring himself to sleep more than a few hours at a time. The last week had been excruciating. He'd gone to Audrey's apartment for dinner only to find that she'd been abducted. False evidence lead him to Duke's boat. After nearly killing each other, then men reluctantly agreed to team together to find her. She was rescued before the Rev's followers could completely wipe her memory, but, damage had still been done. Three weeks of memories were gone, including the memory of the best kiss of his life. That was part of the reason he had insisted on her taking a leave of absence. One of the few benefits of being the newly reinstated interim Chief of Police was being able to force your workaholic partner to take time off to recover from her kidnapping.

Longing rose in his chest only to be quickly shut down. Whatever chance he'd had with her was lost when she'd forgotten their kiss. It was a sign that his father was right. She was too important to be distracted by his love. The other sign was the unpleasant addition to his forearm that no one dared to mention. He shuddered at the memory of who he'd temporarily became when it flared to life. It was no wonder his nightmares had returned in full force. The one person he could've gone to about them now had to be protected from the monster inside him.

The only option left to Nathan was to be her partner, and, if he was very lucky, her friend. Still, he missed her, and what could've been. More than anything, he wanted to be by her side as she tried to put the missing thoughts and memories back together. That couldn't happen while the temptation to be more than a partner was so strong. As much as it pained him, and as much as she didn't understand, the best thing he could do was give her space.

Not for the first time in recent days, Nathan found himself desperately wishing that he could talk to the Chief. Had the man known that Nathan would be marked? Is that why he'd warned him away from Audrey? Was Lucy attacked in the same way? Maybe that was why he'd chosen the part of the shore where he'd last seen the man alive. However, staring at the rocks where his father had fallen apart gave him no more answers than the mark on his arm.

"You know, your thoughts are so loud that they're scaring away the gulls."

Nathan gave a startled jump at the voice so close to his side. Much later, both men would laugh at the memory of his reaction. Now, however, Duke was looking him over with a thoughtful frown. Nathan mirrored the look with a frown of his own. He had no idea why Duke would seek him out, but, it couldn't be for anything good.

"I thought I might find you here," Duke said, still looking as if he didn't know what to make of Nathan.

"Why were you looking for me at all?"

"Audrey's worried about you," he explained, sitting down next to him in the sand.

"And she sends you?" Nathan asked, incredulous.

"Well, you keep pushing her away."

As he shifted to face him better, Nathan noticed that the corner of his shirt had a wet spot. It was easy to discern who was the right height for such a stain. It was also easy to figure out why. Nathan added it to the reasons for this new-found self-loathing.

"Look, Nate," Duke sighed, "I'm probably the last person you want to deal with right now. You're not my favorite person these days either. But, we need to talk."

"What is there to talk about?"

"Audrey's starting to remember things."

_A/N: A virus did a number on the PC. Therefore, this chapter is being posted much later than I expected. More will follow soon. I apologize if the time skip is confusing to anyone. _ _The correlation between Nathan's dreams and the fall out from the tattoo may make more sense as chapters are added later. _


	6. Chapter 6

Nathan stared at Duke as he tried to wrap his head around what the other man had just said. "She's remembering? How? I thought the last thing she remembered was shooting the Rev."

"So did I, but, things are starting to come back," Duke explained.

"Like what?"

"Nothing concrete just yet," he answered, "little pockets of conversation and flashes of scenes. It's not much for her to go on."

"No, but, it's a start." Nathan smiled for the first time in days. In spite of everything, this was still good news. Duke didn't return the smile. Instead, he started taking handfuls of sand and letting them pass through his fingers. Again, his eyes went to the damp spot on Duke's shoulder. There was more to this new discovery.

"A good deal of what she's getting back," Duke continued, weighing his words like the sand passing through his hand, "are fights with you."

"Oh," he replied, smile gone. There had been several arguments between the two of them after the inquiry into the Rev's shooting. The heartache of being at odds with her came rushing back to add to the weight in his chest.

"The one thing she can't figure out is whether kissing you came before, or, after the fighting." Duke finished as he let the last handful of sand go.

"She-she remembers that?"

"Oh, yeah, she does. It was the first thing that came back to her," Duke explained. The dark eyes fixed on Nathan resembled the approaching storm clouds. "You told her about the inquiry, told her about finding Lucy, told her about the ghosts, and…_what_? That part just slipped your mind?

"Duke-"

"Look, I know forgiveness isn't exactly your strong suit. But, this is Audrey we're talking about," he protested, "Were whatever lovers' quarrels you two were having _really_ that important?"

"It's not-" Nathan tried again, hoping to stem a full blown Duke-style rant. Unfortunately, the other man was already on a roll.

"I mean, you were practically crazy with worry when she was taken. There's a hole in my chair to testify to that. You'd think that you would've stuck to her like glue the moment we found her. Instead, you hand her over to me. Me! The guy you were _so_ convinced-"

"Damn it, would you just listen to me?"

The outburst had its desired affect as Duke froze mid sentence to stare at him. Although Duke was the last person Nathan felt like discussing things with, he took a deep breath and explained everything. As he set the timeline straight, Duke's went from exasperated and angry to pure confusion.

"You two were meeting for dinner when you went to her apartment?" He asked, trying to piece it all together.

"Yeah," Nathan confirmed quietly, "when I got there, well, you know the rest."

"I do, but, it still doesn't make sense. Why didn't you try to pick up where you two left off?"

"The Chief warned me away from her when you two left me at the cemetery. He said she was too important to be involved with me," he answered. Unconsciously, his eyes went to his forearm again. A part of him was grateful that Duke was on the side of him that didn't have the tattoo. "When she didn't remember, I took it as fate."

"Um, weren't you the one who lead the 'screw fate' toast? And since when did you ever take the Chief's view of the world as gospel?" Duke pressed. A faint rumble sounded in the distance. The sand under them wasn't going to stay dry for much longer. That didn't matter to him. There was more to Nathan's behavior, much more. They weren't budging until he got to the bottom of it.

"Since a mysterious tattoo exploded onto my arm causing rage blackouts!" Nathan snapped before he realized what he was saying. That was something he had_ never_ intended to admit to anyone. The shock on his face was mirrored in Duke's. Both pairs of eyes went to the markings on his arm.

"Come again?"

"Nothing. Never mind." He tried to get up to walk away only to have Duke catch his arm and yank him back down. The blazing glare Nathan fixed on him would've caused a lesser man to let go. However, Duke only tightened his grip and gave back an infuriating smirk. Nathan was beginning to regret not shooting him back when he had the chance.

"Well, it appears I 'don't know the rest' after all," Duke observed, letting go, "what else have you been keeping to yourself?"

"When this first popped up, it did something to me," he explained, lifting his arm into Duke's line of sight.

"Go on." Duke tried to keep his voice and face neutral, but, his stomach twistedat the sight of the tattoo. It didn't untwist until Nathan shifted his arm away again

"I saw your whistle on her floor and decided to go confront you. On the way to the truck, I felt this awful pain in my arm. I actually _felt_ it," Nathan admitted, "the only thing I've felt apart from Audrey. It was like a thousand needles jammed into my arm at once. Rage came with the pain. Then, everything went away. The next thing I know, I'm knocked on my ass and you're cussing your head off about the bullet hole I just put in your chair cushion."

"The tattoo disappeared right after that," Duke remembered, wishing he didn't, "when I mentioned it, you looked at me like I was the one who'd lost it."

"I didn't know what to think, and, didn't have the time. Finding Audrey was more important. It came back again as we were standing outside the door of the church. I heard her scream, the pain shot through me, and all I saw was white. When I came to, that deacon was dead and you were trying to revive Audrey. That time, the tattoo didn't disappear."

"You don't remember shooting him." It was more a statement than a question. The tortured misery in Nathan's eyes answered him anyways.

"I could barely explain how it went down when backup finally arrived. I killed someone, Duke, and I don't even remember it happening!"

"You gave him a chance," Duke promised, "you didn't fire until you saw him raise the knife to her."

"That's what the report says at least."

"It's what happened," Duke countered firmly, "that report is the truth. Like they say on those TV shows: It was a good shooting."

"A good shooting that came too late," Nathan noted bitterly, "I didn't stop him in time."

"You saved her life. Nathan, you can't-wait- you do blame yourself, don't you?" Again, Nathan's eyes gave him away. Duke sighed ," You can't blame yourself for what happened. How were you to know that one of the Good Shepherd's deacons had the kind of trouble that could erase memories? Or, that there was a plan to kidnap Audrey and clean out her brain? How could any of us have known?"

Nathan just shrugged and looked away towards the sea. Unconsciously, his hand was rubbing along the tattoo as if to wipe it away. Another rumble was heard overhead, closer to shore. The wind picked up again, raising goose pimples on their exposed skin. Duke wondered what would give first: The rain clouds, or, Nathan's stubbornness. Given their topic, his bet was on the clouds.

"So, let me get this straight," he continued when Nathan stayed quiet, "instead of going to the one person who you'd trust to help you make sense of all this-when she really needs you, too-you avoid her, blame yourself, and bottle everything up inside. Yeah, that makes sense!"

"You asked," Nathan grumbled, still not looking at him.

"That's really all you have to say? Don't take this the wrong way, but, sometimes you are really like your father."

"That's exactly what I'm afraid of!" Nathan exclaimed with a laugh that was more like a sob. "The Chief didn't get this tattoo. Max Hansen did! How do I know that he…that I…."

Duke nodded as Nathan left the unspoken fear hanging between them. What came first: Max Hansen's cold, violent nature, or, the tattoo? Duke wondered who his own father may have been before his curse was triggered.

"She's not safe around me." He said, miserably. Duke shook his head in disagreement. He'd known Nathan almost all their lives. Regardless of bloodlines, troubles, or anything else that could come their way, he knew there was nothing dangerous for Audrey in the man sitting next to him. Even though it wouldn't be noticed, Duke placed a hand on his shoulder and gave it a squeeze.

"Hey," he called softly, giving the shoulder a little shake. The motion registered somewhere as Nathan looked over at him. "I wasn't there when the Chief was talking to you in the cemetery. However, I was there when he said you were a good man. Someone like him wouldn't have said that if he thought you were destined to be a killer."

"Probably not," Nathan agreed, a half smile twitched at his lip as the memory came back to him. The Chief had waited until after death to finally praise his son.

"He also told you take care of her," Duke added, "and you need to start doing that. Magical blackout causing tattoos or not. Hell, how do you know that's not some sort of Audrey protector?"

"What are you talking about?"

"You'd have done anything to save her right? Even if it meant killing someone before he hurt her? Of course you would have," Duke answered for him. "You also were planning to seek me out anyways and we both know you aren't above roughing me up. That thing didn't make you do anything you weren't going to do on your own. Maybe it just gave you a boost to get it done."

"Maybe," he replied. The idea was far fetched, even for Duke. However, it did beat any of the dark ideas that had been looming in his own mind.

"We'll figure out the part about you blanking out later. And for the record: If our places had been reversed, I'd have gone after me too."

"Thank you." The genuine gratitude and relief in Nathan's voice surprised both men. Similar feelings were coming to life in Duke as well. The exchange was something they'd hadn't realized they needed. Duke squeezed his shoulder one more time before letting go.

"I know it's against your nature, but, trust me on this one. Stop trying to protect her from a monster that isn't there. Get going, already," Duke ordered as a drop splashed onto his head. The clouds that had been threatening throughout their conversation chose that moment to release the rain. More drops started to fall as the men got to their feet.

"I think the sky is agreeing with you," Nathan chuckled as they made their way off the beach.

"That they are. Oh, and one more for the record-"

Nathan stopped and turned to face him just as Duke's fist collided with his stomach. The punch didn't hold as much force as some of the blows they'd exchanged. Still, it surprised him enough to send him sprawling.

"What the hell?" Nathan gasped as he landed in the sand. "You just said that-"

"Oh, that wasn't for shooting at me," Duke interrupted, reaching down and hauling him back on his feet, "it was for making Audrey cry. I'd have given you a fat lip, but, I'm hoping she'll be putting those to good use after you talk."

"Fair enough," he coughed, letting Duke steady him before continuing through the rain towards the Bronco. Nathan just hoped that Duke was right.


	7. Chapter 7

The cracking thunder and lightning had stopped by the time Nathan reached the Gull, leaving behind a steady sheet of rain. Normally, he loved the sound of rain. It was calming to hear the steady drops drumming against a roof or a windowpane. Right now, he felt anything but calm. Conflicting emotions of hope and fear added to the turmoil already inside him. Did they still stand a chance, or, had he ruined everything? Could he trust himself? Would she forgive him for pushing him away, or, reject him in turn? Regardless of why he had stayed away, he knew now it had been a mistake. A mistake he couldn't put off correcting. At the very least, Audrey was owed an apology and an explanation. As he ran through the rain to her door, he only hoped she'd let him give them to her. Fortunately, he didn't have to wait on her doorstep long. The door opened shortly after he knocked to reveal the face he'd longed for and avoided for too long. Audrey looked at him in surprise before stepping aside to let him in. Once inside, they both stared mutely at each other as Nathan struggled to find the right starting place.

"Audrey," he began after a moment, " we need to talk. There are some things I need to clear up."

"That there are. Where would you like to start? What I'm finally remembering, like kissing you? Or, maybe other things that you're keeping from me?" She asked in a cold, hard, tone. Nathan knew the tone and the words were fully justified. They still hurt.

"Both, actually. I was wrong to not tell you before."

"You're damned right about that! Why didn't you tell me?" She demanded, her eyes starting fill . Her tears hurt him more than the words. "Did you change your mind about me? Not that I'd blame you, I'm not the easiest person to love, but you could've at least-"

"No," he cut in, holding out his hand in a pleading gesture, "that's not what happened. Please, Audrey. You have every reason to be angry with me. And, I'd understand if you never wanted to talk to me again. But, please, let me explain."

Audrey drew a shaky breath, nodded, and pointed to her couch. As they walked over, she ran her sleeve over her eyes to stem the tears that had threatened to fall earlier. She hoped Nathan wouldn't notice, but, he did. It broke his heart.

"Duke said you remembered us arguing. Let's start there, okay?" He suggested as they took seats on opposite ends of the couch like they had countless times before.

"Go on, then."

"After the inquiry was over, you just pushed onward as if nothing had happened. You refused to talk about it, even to me," he explained gently. "Then, you started taking risks, bending procedures. Nothing was going to stop you from protecting the troubled, not procedure, not concern for your own safety, not even the hatred of half the town. When it got to be too much, I started calling you on it. You didn't like that very much."

"I can be stubborn," Audrey conceded with a twitch of a smile.

"We both can," he agreed, taking the smile, however small as a good sign, "that was why we were fighting: You were determined, I was overprotective. I was also frustrated because the PI I'd hired was taking forever to find anything concrete on Lucy Ripley."

"You told me about when I went to see her and what she said. I wish I remembered it for myself."

"You will," Nathan assured her, hoping it was the truth, "When you left to go to Lucy's that's-that's when we kissed."

"I promised you I'd come back. We weren't just partners anymore," Audrey said, her brow wrinkled in thought as more of the memory came back. "You'd been trying to tell me that and I finally heard it."

"And I was so glad when you did," he replied with a small smile. "We were supposed to have dinner together the night you were taken to talk about everything."

"You liked it when I kissed you, right?" She asked, still puzzled.

"What? Of course I did!"

"And," she continued, "you wanted to have dinner with me?"

"Audrey, it was my idea," Nathan explained, not understanding why she would ask.

"Well, then, I don't understand," Audrey protested, "If you liked me kissing you, and, wanted to talk, then why didn't you tell me all of this sooner?"

"It's…it's a long story." Nathan wondered if his reply sounded as weak as he thought. The look on her face told him that it was.

"I've got plenty of time here, Nathan. Completely open schedule tonight."

"Lucky me," he sighed. "When people started coming back as ghosts, the Chief popped up as well."

"Yes, you and Duke both saw your fathers." Audrey paused for a moment as more clicked into place. "Did I see anyone?"

"No, you didn't see any of them. That makes sense, though, because the only reason the ghosts were around was a troubled sexton."

"Oh." The blank look on her face told Nathan that this section of her memory hadn't returned yet. "So, how was the Chief?"

"He missed the rain of all things," he answered, "which was odd given that he would complain about it when he was alive."

"That wasn't all he said, was it?" She pressed, eyes narrowing in suspicion.

"No, he also told me I couldn't be with you," Nathan admitted, "that you were too important to the town."

"What kind of thing is that to say to your own son? No wonder you two had issues!"

"Tact wasn't the Chief's best asset," he reminded her. The intensity of Audrey's reaction shocked him, but, also gave him hope. After everything, she still cared enough about him to be angry at his father's disregard.

"Nor was sense," she continued, furious, "he, along with almost everyone here, lies to me, hides things, and teases me with half truths because…why? I'm so damn important?"

"And to think he used to complain about my lack of common sense."

"If you were avoiding me because of what he said, then, he was right," she accused with a glare. Nathan shook his head sadly.

"That's not why. Well, not all of it," he explained, rolling up his sleeve. He'd pushed his sleeve back down before going upstairs to meet her. Now that the tattoo was exposed, it was all he could do to not hide it again.

"I'd seen this on you when you found me at the Good Shepherd," Audrey said, moving closer for a better look, "but neither you, or Duke, would tell me anything about it."

"We were more focused on getting you taken care of at the time."

His eyes were also drawn to his forearm. This was the part of their conversation that he'd been dreading the most. Telling Duke the whole story was bad enough. Nathan didn't care one way or the other what the man thought of him. This was just another thing to add to their mutual disdain. At least, that was the lie he told himself. Telling Audrey was an entirely different story.

A gentle hand covered the markings. The unexpected sight and sensation shook him out of his thoughts. He lifted his gaze back up to hers. Although they were still red from crying, the anger and accusation were gone from her eyes. Compassion and concern had replaced them, causing a lump to form in his throat where words needed to be.

"Nathan, just tell me," she pleaded, "whatever this is, we can handle it."

Nathan nodded, swallowed the lump and did just that. He told her everything: Finding her apartment trashed, going after Duke, and, the pain, rage, and blackouts. Finally, he told her what he knew of the moments before they rescued her. All throughout his explanation, her hand stayed on his arm.

"Don't you see? I'm not safe to be around. I'm dangerous," he finished, looking back down. The hand left his arm, making him think that she agreed. His chest tightened at the loss of feeling. The nothingness that replaced it was worse than pain. Then, the hand went to cup his chin and bring his eyes back to hers.

"Nathan, nothing could be further from the truth," Audrey promised, her thumb grazing his jaw.

"How can you say that after everything I just told you?" He asked, the lump rising again at her soothing touch.

"You didn't do anything you wouldn't have done anyways to find and protect me," she pointed out, unknowingly echoing Duke.

"Duke said the same thing."

"Well, there you go then." She laughed softly as her hand went from his face to his hand. Nathan just stared at her, missing the connection. She gave his hand a squeeze and explained, "Duke's supposed to be killed by a tattooed man. He has more reason to fear your new accessory than anyone else. Would he be anywhere near you if he thought you were dangerous? Would he let you anywhere near me?"

"Probably not," Nathan agreed with a rueful smile, "though he did punch me in the gut today."

"He punched you?" She gasped. "Over that stupid parking ticket? Oooh, I'm going to-"

"Parking ticket? What are you talking about," he interrupted, confused again.

"Duke came by to check on me earlier this afternoon. I told him about what I was starting to remember and how I was worried about you. He said that he had a new parking ticket to complain about and offered to check in on you."

"Audrey, he didn't punch me because I wouldn't cancel his ticket. It was because I'd made you cry," Nathan explained.

"Oh. I was wondering what made you finally come over," she answered, looking down as her eyes filled again. "Nathan, I didn't know what to think. You only came by to tell me that I was on leave. Then, you barely returned my calls. When things started to come back, I couldn't put them in order. I thought I had said something really terrible that hurt you and drove you away, or-"

"I'm sorry." His hands reached out to cup her face and wipe away the tears that had started to fall. "I'm so sorry for everything. I was staying away to keep you safe and ended up hurting you even worse. Please, Audrey, I know I don't deserve it. But, I'd give anything to have another chance."

"No more secrets." It was meant to sound like a demand, but, the catch in her voice made it sound more like a plea.

"None," he promised, smiling as he brushed her hair away from her face.

"And I never want to hear you say that you are dangerous again," she demanded as she reached up to take his hands back into hers.

"And I never want to hear you say that you aren't easy to love," he counter demanded as he kissed the hands holding his own. "Nothing could be further from the truth."

Audrey smiled at him. Then, a miracle happened. At least, it was a miracle as far as Nathan was concerned. Lips he thought he'd never feel again connected with his. Unlike their first kiss, this time he was aware enough to kiss back. He pulled her close and wrapped his arms tightly around her. As their mouths and limbs intertwined, he tasted tears and way too much coffee. He briefly wondered if that was what hope tasted like. When the kiss ended, Audrey curled up against his chest with her head on his heart.

"Does this mean that I get that chance?" He asked, stroking her hair, marveling at its softness.

"It means that we both do," Audrey replied, "I don't want to lose any more time."

"Where would you like to start?"

"Right where we left off. Dinner sounds really good right now. I still have that pancake recipe," she offered with a smile. "What was supposed to happen after that?"

"We hadn't thought that far. However, we may want to make it an early night. I don't think either one of us has had a decent night's sleep in awhile." Her eyes were already starting to close thanks to the hand in her hair.

"Sounds about right," she murmured, nuzzling into him, "you're not the type to steal covers, right? That drives me nuts."

"What?" Nathan couldn't believe his ears. That definitely wasn't part of his first date plans. Fantasies about their first date, maybe. But, not in his realistic expectations. Audrey smiled and leaned up to kiss his jaw.

"Easy, tough guy. I'm just talking about sleeping," she assured him, "I think we could both use a teddy bear tonight."

"I think that you're right," Nathan agreed, kissing her forehead. Audrey smiled into his chest as they enjoyed the sound of the rain.

_A/N: Thank you for reading and for all the helpful reviews. I hope to see more stories from everyone soon._


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